Supporting loved ones on National Coming Out Day
"She said, 'Mom, I think I'm a lesbian," Courtney recalls. "I asked her what she needed in that very moment, and she said, 'I really just want some chocolate ice cream.' What she also needed was a safe place to talk so she could accept and share an essential part of herself. Once she unburdened, she was back to her effervescent self.
What mattered most to Courtney in that moment and since, was that Zoey knew she was loved and accepted no matter what, and that there is a whole community ready to support her. Courtney had seen friends and colleagues over the years who couldn't be themselves at home or at work and had suffered greatly as a result. She vowed that she would always be accepting of her children no matter who they loved and would create a safe environment where they could be themselves.
"As an ally, the most important thing you can say to someone is, 'I see you, I accept you, you are enough, and if you ever need a place to go or a person to talk to, I'm here." – Courtney Goodfellow
Since that day four years ago when Zoey came out to her, Courtney has become "Mama bear" to many of Zoey's friends as well. She chaperones groups going to Pride events in Philadelphia every year and puts families in touch with resources available to them. "I want them to know I am here any time they need advice or just someone to listen. As an ally, the most important thing you can say to someone is, 'I see you, I accept you, you are enough, and if you ever need a place to go or a person to talk to, I'm here."
An IS program administrator for Main Line Health, Courtney is proud of the LGBTQ Inclusive Care initiatives and support she has gotten from her employer. Zoey has developed great relationships with her Inclusive Care providers as well. She is now a psychology major at Penn State, studying to become a crisis intervention specialist for young adults.
"Coming out is one of the most courageous things someone can do. It's acknowledging and celebrating the deepest, most beautiful part of you," Courtney adds. Her advice to other parents: "Let them know you love them, see them and are there for them. Help them find resources. This is a journey you take together."
National Coming Out Day is October 11. Here are some supportive family resources.